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 Sinclairification by Grant Sinclair

Part 1: Got A Blank Space Where My Mind Should Be

22 Oct 2009
Iím anxious.  Not eager or excited, but anxious.  Itís funny, because someone I know very well misuses the word ďanxiousĒ all the time.  ďSheís anxious to see the baby,Ē theyíll say.  No, sheís excited to see the baby.  ďIím anxious to finish this project.Ē  No, youíre eager to finish the project.

Let me explain the differences.

Eager is when a person wants to do something.
Excited means the person is in a state of excitement.  For good reason, that is, not to be confused with being startled.
Anxious means the person is suffering from anxiety, either because they may not feel prepared for what they are about to do or they fear the experience or its outcome.

Letís put it this way: A soldier is anxious to go to battle, eager to come home, but excited to see friends and family.

But thereís another type of anxiety.  The type where you donít know what to do with yourself, like an excess of nervous energy with no release. And thatís the kind of anxiety I have.  I havenít been to a doctor or been diagnosed, so my prognosis could be WAY off, but Iím feeling anxious and thatís enough for me.

What brought on these feelings?  Iím guessing itís the monotony of working at my job, doing the same thing, every day, with no break (my longest absence from the office for 16 months has been no longer than three days) and the frustratingly slow progress and communication by my web team in regards to The Next Project.

Now, before you write me off as just someone who like to complain, let me say one thing.

I havenít been away from my job for longer than three days in over 16 months.  I know I just said that, but it bears repeating.  Basically, all the time I had off work has been for holidays.  No sick days, no personal days, nothing.  Nothing but a ďlongĒ three day weekend, it I was lucky.  And even then, I had to work the day before and the day after the holiday if I was going to get paid for said holiday.  Fun, right?

You see, Iím an office temp.  And the basic rule for ďcontracted employeesĒ is if you donít work, you donít get paid.  So I work.  I could go into greater detail about my circumstances, how I got here, why Iím staying, etcetera, but I wonít.  Not to cheat you out of information Iím sure you would find totally boring, but because I donít want my co-workers to stumble across this blog and put two and two together.  The fewer questions I have to answer, the better.  You understand.

However, if youíre not an office temp, what you may not understand is where we rank on the list of workers.  Allow me to explain, from best to worst:

-    Self employed
-    CEO
-    Manager
-    Regular employee/English teacher in South Korea (tie)
-    Middle manager
-    Some other kind of manager
-    Temp
-    Illegal Immigrant

You see, illegal immigrants donít get paid vacation, sick days, health insurance or personal time.  Unlike illegal immigrants, however, most temps donít need to commit identity fraud to find employment.  So thereís that.

So now you see from where Iím coming.  These are the circumstances that are making me anxious.  If you work for too long doing the same thing over and over again without a break or change of scenery, youíll probably become anxious yourself.  Thatís how Project Mayhem got started.  Thatís why Michael Bolton put the virus into the system at Initech to steal all the money (Fractions of a penny?).  Too much of the same thing day after day after day.  Luckily, I donít want to commit domestic terrorism or computer fraud, but now Iíve got a blank space where my mind should be and thereís only one solution:

I need to get the hell out of here.

© 2009

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